I’m getting there. I need to do more than just treadmill eventually. Gradual steps!
Back at it Sunday.
I will start posting these as accountability for my workouts. I’m gradually going to work my way up to where I need to be.
I had a great first go back at it, don’t you think?
Next workout on Thursday!
This post put simply is to get down my thoughts on my new focus in life. I have a new positive outlook on things! I want to share my story with the world in a way that I haven’t before.
I have an awesome life already. I have an awesome husband, and a great job. What more could I ask for?
I have a voice, and I intend to use it for the greater good of all that is great and good in this world.
More to come over the coming days. But, suffice it to say, I am changing every day for the better.
This will be a rather long entry, but I feel like there is a lot of backstory in my life that I need to put on the record:
There was a period of my life that, when I look back on it, could be a dark time to some who don’t know the whole story. I was out of the closet, but I wasn’t happy with other facets of my life.
I had graduated high school in May 1997 and decided to go to Mountain Empire Community College the next fall. I decided to major in Electronics. I didn’t have a knack for the curriculum and decided to sit out the Spring 1998 semester and re-evaluate my career path. I did not come back until a couple of semesters later and I changed my major to Accounting. I took it slow and eventually I decided that this wasn’t the major for me either. I decided after the Fall 2000 semester to take another break from college. It was around this time that I was trying to sort out my sexuality as well, so that mattered a lot in relation to this decision.
Before I came out, I had decided to work for a while and see where that went. I had a great job at my hometown cinema, Lee Cinema. It was there that I met one of my best friends, Brian Bloomer. We worked well together and made a great team, and he is a lifetime friend. (We fell out of touch for a while, but we reconnected!)
In 2002, after I had come out to the world, I decided to move to Kingsport. Here is where what I call my “dark time” began. It wasn’t 100% dark, but there were challenges to make it so. As I began to explore dating and finding somebody to love, I met several people. Most of them ended up being flings and I did end up in a couple of relationships. I had a job and lost that job (let’s not go back into that again…) as well.
One of these relationships was with a very weird guy. He lived out in Sullivan County with his parents and had some interesting religious ideas. Nothing wrong with that, until he met someone else and tried to make it a threesome. That was when I called it off.
I apologize if that last sentence seems very sordid, but this is an honest blog.
Christmas was not a particularly good holiday for me during this period either. I lost my father just before Christmas of 2001, and my beloved Great Grandmother on Christmas Evening 2002. It was a very rough time indeed for my whole family.
In 2003 I moved to Gray and got a job at the major call center there. (Those of you in the Tri-Cities will know what that is.) It was around this time that I met two other lifelong friends who helped get me through dark times, Dan Darnell and Jon Hunter. More or less, they were my buddies that I would go to New Beginnings with just about every weekend. Dan helped me out a lot when things got really challenging for me, he even let me spend one Thanksgiving at his house when I couldn’t go home to be with my family. I had a couple of bad bouts with kidney stones around this time, and Dan and his grandmother came and helped me get home from the hospital after the second bout. I can’t thank them enough for being so helpful to me it a bad time.
Jon is just a friend with a heart of gold. He would hang out with me when most other people wouldn’t. He would come and pick me up and we would go to Newbies or Pharaoh’s (remember that place?)
These friends mattered to me a lot, because I was very, very depressed under the surface. I look back on this entry from June 2003 and it brings back a lot of strong feelings. I would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep. I didn’t know where life was taking me at that time and the lack of a meaningful relationship was taking its toll on me.
Fortunately, my friends were there for me, so I rebounded and got my life on track. I discovered what I truly wanted to do, and set out to do it. As you can see in the image I chose to accompany this post, in December 2004 I was really feeling better about myself. And, if I may say so, I was very, very handsome too. 🙂
I don’t have to tell the story of how I grabbed the bull by the horns and got to college, that story was well told on my LiveJournal at the time (which has been preserved here, of course.)
Forgive me for being so reflective, but sometimes one reflects on where they are to remember how fortunate they are.
I have been using my CPAP machine for two weeks now. Every night seems to be a little better than the previous one. Most nights so far, I have had to take a pill to help get me to sleep. Nothing prescription strength, just either Diphenhydramine or a generic Unisom.
Last night, I was finally able to get to sleep on my own without the need of a sleep aid. I slept for a good 7 hours. I woke up feeling a little groggy, but otherwise in great shape.
I can’t begin to tell you how much the sleep therapy has helped me out so far. I’m finally able for the first time in at least 10 years sleep in a bed lying down. That in and of itself helps me out tremendously to getting my life back on track to where I need to be!
As I continue to get more comfortable with using my CPAP machine, I can only imagine that I’ll eventually sleep a full 8 hours soundly.
A couple of weeks ago, Greg and me attended a screening of “E.T. The Extra Terrestrial” at the beautiful Tennessee Theater in downtown Knoxville. Seeing this movie for the umpteenth time just proves how much you love classic movies. This one in particular is always a top 10 favorite for me. In fact, it’s the earliest movie that I remember seeing at the age of 2 in 1982.
(Side note: I am planning to do a series or articles sometime in the future highlighting my top 10 favorite movies of all time.)
I think it’s safe to say that the true measure of how a film does is how much it pulls you into the story, engages all of your senses, and especially your emotions. This film in particular gets the best emotional response out of me. When E.T. is dying, it always breaks my heart and I feel like a little kid sitting there instead of a guy in his late 30s. You can’t help but feel heartbroken for Elliott.
Then at the end of the film when Elliott and E.T. have to say goodbye, the emotions swell up again, all the way through the powerful ending with the ship speeding away and leaving a rainbow behind. Combined with John Williams’ awesome Oscar-winning soundtrack just hits every time.
I remember back in 2002, when I was working at Lee Cinema, we got to screen the 20th Anniversary Edition on its opening weekend. Every night I worked for the next couple of weeks, I was sure to peek my head into the theater for that final scene, and the same emotions came up and enveloped me time after time.
*That* is the measure of what makes a film a true classic. If a movie can do that time after time after time and never age or never wear off, it will last forever.
That is what that movie meant to me. I cried at 2, 22 and 37. I’ll probably cry again when I’m 42 and the film turns 40 years old.
Last week, I got my new CPAP machine. This is taking some getting used to! The only difficult part for me is getting used to a bed that I am not used to sleeping in. Believe it or not, that is a big factor in how I sleep.
I think it’s going better with each night. The machine definitely helps me breathe and keeps me asleep. I can surely say that it is a great aid in getting me a better night’s sleep.
After I get fully adjusted, I am going to move on to the next challenge of my life: exercising and losing weight!
Our four-day weekend was very eventful, to say the least.
Friday night, we went to the Plaza Theatre near Midtown to see a performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, called “Lips Down on Dixie”, that is unlike any you can experience in a lifetime. The show is welcoming to LGBT people especially to give them a place to go and have a good time without the pressures of a club or bar. Not only is the traditional heckling of the film going on during the film, but a variety of just wonderful people are up on stage in front of the screen performing the film as well in front of you. There were also fun things before the movie to really get the crowd loose and turned on. The hosts (named Nik [ironic, huh?] and Candace) had great chemistry. It certainly is quite raucous and fun. We had a great time and want to go be in that audience again. If you’re ever in Atlanta and need something to do on a Friday night, go see this show, you’ll have a blast!
The highlight of Saturday was seeing my first soccer match in person. This was an event I will cherish for a long time. I said to myself, “I want to be a fan again!” after seeing Atlanta United FC in person. I am rooting for them all the way. Rain delayed the match a few minutes, but it didn’t hurt things. I had such an awesome time. I need more team colors before I go the next time. 🙂 They also beat Columbus Crew SC 3-1, in spectacular fashion.
Sunday, which was Father’s Day, we went to SunTrust Park, the new home of the Braves, to watch them take on the Miami Marlins. The previous night, a friend of mine was there to watch them win in 10 innings on a walk-off hit. They did it again on Sunday as well! The experience was really mesmerizing. I miss the Ted, but I think I will grow to like this place.
Let’s rewind a bit. Thursday night as we were coming home from work to start packing, we noticed a very bad grinding noise coming from the car. I determined very quickly that we were not going to drive the car all the way there and back. I quickly got a reservation to rent a car from Enterprise the next morning and we drove that there and back. It turned out to be the smartest move I could have made.
Monday, we took the car to the Hyundai dealership to have them look at it. Turns out there was a lot going on in the front end and it was going to be well over $2,000 to repair it. Given that the car is almost 10 years old, it would only be a matter of time before something else would probably go wrong with it as well.
As any smart person would probably deduce at this point, it was time to part ways with our car. We surely hadn’t planned to do that. I thank my lucky stars that we had a lot of money saved in the bank to where we were able to negotiate quickly, get a car loan and drive out in a new 2017 Hyundai Elantra in a matter of a few hours. Check it out…
Pretty neat, huh? While we weren’t planning on the prospect of having a car loan again so soon, everything will be OK. It certainly beats sinking money into a car that was starting to slowly die a painful death. I think, in the long run, that we did the absolute right thing in putting it out of its misery.
Note to self: Take more pictures!
Me and my husband are back in Atlanta for 3 days. After what happened the last time here, I surely think that we won’t see anymore Interstate bridges burning on live television. The traffic, on the other hand, is just as bad as always. But… that’s Atlanta for you!
If we move down here, that is what we will have to get used to.
I will be sure to blog about our exciting venture tomorrow, as we go to our first MLS game! Atlanta United FC vs. Columbus Crew SC.
Sunday, Father’s Day, we’ll be at the new SunTrust Park for the last of a 3-Game series between the Braves and the Miami Marlins. Hopefully nobody will fall and hit the dirt racing against the Freeze this time!