General Thoughts

My Coming Out Story

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You might want to sit down for this one.  This is not the sappy tale you think it’s going to be.  My life has been a complicated one, but one that I have never wrote out or told publicly.  That changes now.

I struggled with my sexuality all through my childhood.  I have always felt an attraction to other guys as far back as I can remember.  It was just there.  It didn’t happen overnight or anything, it was just… there.  I didn’t understand it then because well, those things weren’t talked about in such a rural place like Southwest Virginia.

All throughout high school, the feelings were still there, but with no guidance, I never did anything about it.  I didn’t have any kind of meaningful relationship.  I couldn’t come out, not then.  I was fortunate that it never became an issue that anyone would bully me over.  I was made fun of a bit for other things, but not for being LGBTQ.   It’s unfortunate that anyone should ever have to be bullied for anything at all, but we’ll come back to that.

EDIT: I just wanted to add here that I had some good friends and did have some really great times during my high school years, so it wasn’t all pain and suffering.  I have many great memories from those days.

I didn’t start to figure things out until I was 19 going on 20.

Me at 20 Years Old (Dec. 1999)

I remember my first so-called “relationship.” (I put it in quotes for a reason.)   The details of what it was aren’t important to this story, but suffice it to say that I still couldn’t tell everyone who I was, even then.  I think I knew by that time that I was gay.  At the same time, I knew 100% that I couldn’t tell anyone for fear of being a social outcast.  In a small town of around 2,000 people, it would be like drinking poison in a way.  I look back on that now and say, “What were you thinking!?”

I wonder if anyone I knew then would have cared if they had known.  Some probably wouldn’t, some probably would.  I’ll probably never know, nor does it matter at all.

The first person who I came out to was Brian, a great friend and co-worker at the time.  He was very understanding and didn’t think any less of me.  I distinctly remember him saying, “I don’t care.”  That was a very encouraging thing to hear.  Brian and me are still good friends to this day.

The first family member I came out to was my sister Naomi.  It was 2002.  I was taking to her on the phone while walking in a store.  I felt this huge weight on my shoulders.  I felt like I just had to tell someone, to just let someone else know who I was and hopefully that I wouldn’t have that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach anymore that I was contained in such a small space in my own existence.  Naomi understood, she said “I still love you, everything will be OK.”  That was a very big relief.  I didn’t come out to anyone else in my family on my terms, they just kind of found out over the years.  They still love me, even if they might not approve.  I respect them no matter what, and I know, or at least hope, that they respect me.

Since that day, the issue hasn’t been a big one for me.  I could be who I was.  I met new friends, experienced new things.  Even had a few bad relationships.  The normal stuff any person might go through.  Then the man who stole my heart walked into my life in 2005.  And, well, if you know me, you know most of the rest of the story.

Until it came up one last time: 2008.  My 10 year high school reunion.  I went and caught up with some great people.  Until one person started questioning me about being gay.  He said that he couldn’t believe it, that he thought I had failed them.  I just couldn’t believe it.  I wasn’t scared, or afraid, or worried, no.  I was just literally dumbfounded at such a statement.  I just brushed it off and reaffirmed that I am who I am.  I left it at that.  Why should be sexual orientation be on full display in a place where it shouldn’t matter?  Isn’t that the culture that we all would hope for, where we can be ourselves and coexist happily?  I just went on about my business.

This year marks 20 years since I graduated high school, and I don’t really want to go back to another reunion.  Not because of that encounter, but because I feel more disconnected from where I grew up than I did 10 years ago.  I didn’t belong there.  My ambitions were elsewhere.

So, that’s my story.  An unusual one, but that’s what it was.  You may ask yourself why my story needs to be told?  Because it needs to be told.  So many people struggle with coming out, with being who they are.  I’m here to tell them “YOU matter.”  Don’t be afraid, there are lots of kind, nice and warm people here to help you with who you are.  That’s why I am telling my story.  I’m proud of who I am, I’m proud of my strong relationship and I’m going to be proud of everyone.  I love my life, I love this world, and I am not going to be silent. I am proud. 🙂

Why Do I Do What I Do

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I’m sure at one time or another in life, you have probably stopped for a second and asked yourself, “Why do I do what I do?”  All of us at one time or another might stop for a moment and reflect on who they are, what they do, what they contribute, etc.  There was a time that I asked myself this very question.

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re saying to yourself, “Is he second guessing himself?”  No, no, no.  Not in the slightest bit.  Just a mere reflection.

I have believed and am still confident that my job is important.  People turn to a TV station for many things.  The foremost thing is information.  Information about what is going on in their world.  News, weather, sports, community events, and so forth.  It’s important that the community has a voice.  It’s also very important that those who govern have their say too, but at the same time, since they serve the public interest, they need to be held accountable for the job they do in such service.  This is of paramount importance in news.

But, while you think that directing a newscast is all I do, that’s not all I do.  I have a job to see that the public is given entertainment too.  There isn’t an hour of the day on my station that I haven’t touched at one point or another in my current job.  People turn to us to try and forget the challenges of their day, to be distracted if nothing, at least for a little while.  That part of my job I take seriously as well.

You’d be right to ask yourself what brought this on.  With all of the accusations thrown around lately of “fake news,”  I have never in my life felt more strongly about what I do and who I am.  It’s important that people have essential information to make informed decisions.  That won’t change no matter what.  I’m proud of who I am and what I do.  I think you will agree.

Future Plans

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I don’t want to be looking too far forward in the future.  However, in this topsy-turvy world that we live in today, I have vowed to remain positive and optimistic about our future plans.  Needless to say, this is subject to change, but I always want to record my thoughts here, so here it goes.

Next year, around mid-2018, our desire is that we will finally take the next step in our careers, and move to a higher market.  We are looking at Atlanta.  I think that Greg is superb and awesome at his job, and I think I’m not too shabby myself.  There are *lots* of opportunities down there for both of us potentially.  I think it’s a great move.

The next thing to obviously think of is, would we want to do anything past that?  Well, we don’t know.  We have thrown around the possibility of moving to the Big Apple someday, but that is not a 100% assurance by any means.  It all boils down to a simple thing:  could we ever afford to live in a place like that and be comfortable and happy?  If not, it’s not for us.  It’s called being practical.  I’m afraid that not a lot of people (at least from my point of view) do that these days.

There are certain people I know of (not naming names) that tend to overspend and live higher than their means.  I was always under the impression that you need to save money.  Save as much as you can and be careful and thrifty.   We will always live by this philosophy.

Now get off my lawn! 😛

Life Status

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I realize that I haven’t blogged much lately, at least in this forum, about me.  How am *I* doing?

Well, frankly, I am OK, but I’ve been better.  I can be better.  I procrastinate doing anything constructive that will make me feel better.  Why, you ask?  I probably couldn’t tell you.  At least I am going to a sleep clinic next week to try and get my sleep habits in order.  I probably will end up having to use a machine to help me breathe properly while I sleep.  I need to get my weight under control.  I’m going to end up putting myself under if I don’t do anything about it.  If anything else, I need to do it for the sake of the man who loves me.

Why is my apathy at an all time high?  Am I too afraid to fail?  Am I too afraid of judgmental pricks?   I know what you’re thinking, fuck them!  And you would be right.  But I need to find the drive to do better.  I found it once a while back, and then it went away.  Maybe I just misplaced it somewhere.  I will keep looking for it, and when I find it, I won’t let it go easily.

Stay tuned…

EDIT: Just minutes after I published this post, Greg had a migraine so bad that I had to take him to the ER.  We were in an out of there in less than three hours.  His health is important to my health.  At least he’s OK.

Day Two

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I feel better today than I did yesterday.  Why, you ask?  Put simply, we’re all going to be OK.

People are peacefully protesting all over the country and the world.  PEACEFULLY!  Not what those nitwits who lit cars on fire yesterday did, but peacefully demonstrating that the majority of people do not agree with how things turned out.

I don’t want this blog to become overtly a hotbed of hot takes over the direction our country is going in, but I will say this.  As a gay man who is married to someone he loves very much, everyone’s rights to make their own choices in their lives is very, very, very important.  Even if I don’t agree with what choice they make, they have the right to choose what they do.  I have no say in the matter, and the government surely should not either.

That’s just how I feel.  I’m not a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Very Silly, or whatever, I’m Nick.  That’s who I am and that’s what I believe in.  No authoritarian nitwit can tell me any different.

How I Feel

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I want to take a second and tell you how I really feel on this day, January 20th, 2017.

Am I sad? A little.

Am I angry? You bet.

What am I going to do about it?  All I can do, keep my head up and keep pushing forward.  I’m not going to let anyone tell me to do anything different because I have every reason to be proud of who I am, regardless of who is in power.  I am happy, I am successful and I am comfortable with who I am.  I’m not going to let anyone or any entity tell me any different.

Bring it on. See you on November 6, 2018.

Crazy Weather

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As of this post, it is currently 65º in Knoxville.  On January 14th.  It is predicted that we will be in this area of temperatures for at least a few days.  Where did winter go?  Did spring give fall and winter a miss and get here early?  Probably not.  Is it global warming?  I’m not opening that can of worms here.

But you will agree, it’s not supposed to be this damn warm in January!

However, it is nice. 🙂

Snowpocalypse 2017

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So, the snow is here in Knoxville.  Yet, everyone acts around here like it’s never snowed before.  I just don’t get that.  Snow is supposed to be a beautiful thing of nature.  People should really stop and admire its beauty.  No, really, stop and get off the roads and appreciate it for what it is.

That’s why TV stations are on the air with snow updates, you know?  Because people don’t know how to stay off the roads in inclement weather.  Maybe I should start a driving school to try to teach people how to drive in the snow?   Maybe not, because I’m not 100% in it either.  I drive slow in the stuff just on the five minute drive from the house to the station.  That drive becomes 10-15 minutes in the bad stuff, especially ice.

Seriously folks, if you don’t have to get out. DON’T. GET. OUT. PERIOD.

My Reflection on 2016

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As I look back on the year that has transpired, I find myself thinking what really happened to make this year unique from prior years.  As a matter of fact, I doubt there will ever be another year bigger than 2015.  Of course, that was the year that I married my sweetheart.

But don’t think 2016 doesn’t rank up there in popularity.  I met some great people and traveled again to one of my favorite places, New York City.  I dare say our trip in early September was the highlight of the year.  Greg and I met probably the nicest couple you could ever meet, Francois and Keith.  I didn’t think to get a picture with them while we were there (sorry, guys), but I promise that the next time we visit them… and there will be a next time… I will be more photogenic.

Looking ahead to the year to come, while there is much to be concerned about (and that language is much tamer than I have thought in prior weeks,)  there is much to look forward to.  Like I said, we are planning to go back to New York City next year.  Don’t know if it will be a Spring or Fall trip yet, but we’ll figure that out soon.  We also would like to see the Braves at their new home, although we will miss going to the Ted.  RIP Turner Field.

If I could have my way, we would take a visit to Los Angeles again.  It’s been way too long (8 years!) since we’ve been there.  Maybe one of these days if airfare is ever affordable again.  Maybe after another year of saving we might be able to do it.

And, well, there’s Star Wars Episode VIII to look forward to next December.  It’ll be nice to hear Mark Hamill speak this time.

I hope everyone out there reading this has the greatest year in 2017 that one could ever hope for!

Much love from Greg and myself.

My Nephew

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If there is one thing I hold very close to my heart, it’s my family.  I have always been very proud of my entire family, even the in-laws (they are great too, contrary to what popular humor of the past would have you believe.)

My youngest nephew, Houston, at the ripe age of 7 (almost 8), is quite the sharp guy.  Whenever we can, we try to buy him a board game that is appropriate for his age.  One to stimulate his mind and have fun all at the same time.  Games like Operation, Candy Land, and Monopoly Junior.  This Christmas Day, we bought him Battleship.  I think we can call ourselves proud Uncles for the fact that on only the second playing of the game, he won the game very handily.

This guy is a bright fellow, and I am pretty certain he is going to go far in life.  Yes, I am making this assumption based on the result of a board game, but I have known this child for a long time, and mark my words, I think he is going to do wonderful things when he grows older.

I just wanted to be proud and boast about that fact.