Now Playing at a Theater Near You

So, earlier today I decided to watch “American Sniper” at the Carmike 10 on Millertown Pike. This was one of the last theaters in Knoxville that I had not watched a movie at, so I decided to cross this one off my list.

Boy, was that a bad decision.

The showing I decided to attend was a 1:30pm show. Granted, it’s a little busier than usual because of the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday and I gather a lot of people were off of work for the day. When I stepped inside the theater, I was surprised to find four long lines. Now, I must explain here that Carmike theaters are notorious for having combined ticket lines and concession lines into one line. This, in my opinion, is very inefficient. Case in point: I got there at 1:05pm. I stood in that line until 1:25pm before I finally bought just my ticket. Just a ticket, not any overpriced concessions… just a ticket.

So, then I hustle back to my seat because, well, I do like to see the previews. I count it as part of the experience. I get in my seat on the back row just as the before feature content is done. Then they get to where the program is supposed to roll. And then, nothing. It sits on this graphic and then some pop music comes on. So, not only did I have to stand in line for 20 minutes to get my ticket, but now me and about a hundred other people are having to wait additional time for the movie to even start? Geez. As Daffy Duck always said, “What a way to run a railroad.”

So, I gather at least someone, or maybe multiple individuals, or maybe nobody at all, cared to inform to poor, beleaguered workers know about the problem of no film playing before a captive audience. Then, about 10 minutes later, the screen finally goes dark and then we see two commercials and the film begins. Aha, finally. Well, fortunately, there were no problems from there on out…

Until I smelled something funny.

I couldn’t put my finger on what it was at first, but then I saw a puff of something about two rows down. And then another. Aha, it was one of those douchebags who thinks they can “vape” anywhere they please. As Greg loves to say, “Oh brother.”

After the film is over, of course the hired help loves to run people off so they can’t stay and watch the credits. I wanted to get out of there anyway.

I have never in my life had such a bad experience in a movie theater. This is one for the record books.

I should say for the record, there’s a reason I go to Regal theaters. They get things right, they treat you with courtesy, and they at least properly staff the damn cinema!

Case closed.

By the way, I recommend the film highly, but I won’t be reviewing it on Nick’s Flix.